sudo reboot

If only things were that easy...to just...start over.

Yesterday, something interesting happened.  A supervisor on break came up to me while I was waiting for a ride home and asked me if I was the only one that pulls the chickens from the sales floor at closing time.  I told her no...with a rather confused look on my face.  It turns out Im the only associate that does it on the regular basis.  She is the one that turns the hot island off and pulls chickens.  I thought that was rather interesting...she told me Im the only one that not only pulls them, but the only one that cleans the island as well.

?but Im the worst associate there?

I called in today.  Something about being yelled at constantly at work and then coming home to more yelling just got to me.  Oh and Im moving...nowhere great at all.  Nope...out of a shed and into a garage.  At the same time, work has been hounding me for no reason...cutting my hours but expecting more.  While Id like to just say "Fuck em," truth is I want some stability.

At the same time, I feel like I have just fell backwards in life.  Yeah before I was just going nowhere...well I feel like I have gone somewhere, just backwards.  Sort of like when youre climbing a mountain and think "man Im not getting anywhere" but then realize that you are...youre falling backwards.  I do want kids and I do want a permanent place to call my own and it has come to my attention that there will never be a perfect time.  Life will always fucking suck for one reason or another.  It wont be all glitter and ponies till it is too late.

Let me be honest with myself.  I dont want to get out of bed in the morning but I dont want to stay.  I dont want to wake up but I have nightmares and dont want to sleep.  I dont want to do...anything.  I stayed home today because I couldnt stop crying when I woke up.  I simply wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up again.  But I was dragged out of bed anyway.  I watched my boyfriend and his dad put up a shed...and I thought....

• Something about looking out windows makes me happy
• Something about being outside makes me more happy
• Something about being outside in the country (even if its flat country not too far from the city) makes me joyous 
• Something about being in the wilder country makes me ecstatic

So I felt a little better for a good while...but not temporarily like I do when I eat chocolate or ice cream.  It made me slightly happier than I was.  I thought about having chickens and goats and cows...tons of dogs and such.  Happiness is somewhere.  I cant wait.  At the same time I dont feel like I can make it.  I might hate my life and myself.

You know what...fuck work.  Fuck the man mostly.  Fuck waiting for everyone else.  I will run away if I have to.  And if I die, at least I was in the pursuit of happiness.  I wasnt falling backwards or running in circles.  Fuck everyone holding me back saying "oh thats stupid."  Fuck em...they didnt even get where they wanted to go.  Why?  Because they didnt take chances and just gave in eventually.  Fuck em.  Im no tamable spirit.

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Life by the Books

My sophomore year of high school, I realized that I liked school...but HATED it.  It is a joke.  It is a place to hang out with friends, get picked on, and, in most cases, deal with teachers that are terrible or just tired of dealing with you.  Yes there are some schools that are absolutely wonderful and some teachers are awesome but in general...public schooling is a gamble.

Sophomore year, I told my mom that I wanted to go through independent study and start on college on the side or a catholic school (mind you Im pagan) but I didnt want to go through with public school one bit.  When I found out my college courses would be free (and my mom did some really stupid things and made some really beyond stupid mistakes) I went nuts.  I didnt talk to my dad and completely flipped out at my mom.  Why not look at alternatives to get me ahead?  They dont cost more with he exception of private school!  Why do you hate me??

In the end, it did cost me more to finish public school.  We were forced to buy a cap and gown or we wouldnt walk (and we were not allowed to rent or buy used.)  Those didnt come cheap...around $70 for the entire get up.  All of those college classes I could have taken for free were now no less than $75 (not including books and supplies.) The class I need the most was free...now is $175 without supplies at a community college.  Financial aid?  If only the government went by my wages alone instead of my wages plus my parents.  I do not live with them and they do not support me in any way, shape, or form.  I dont qualify for any waivers or grants.

Of course they wanted me to do the whole go through high school, college, get married, have kids, buy a house, blah blah blah.  I have never been that kind of person.  I have always preferred slaving over something I love instead of simply working on something I hate.  Id rather get up at 2 in the morning and shovel horse poo and do farm chores for 12 hours in the middle of summer than work 4 hours in a deli like I do now.  So it shouldnt come as a surprise when I suddenly disappear off the face of this planet...not literally of course.


I have always had my mind set on a county home.  I was checking out some properties with lots of land (to frolic and garden in of course) but no house.  I know by moving, Im probably going to put myself in some sort of debt.  Oh well...at least I will be mentally happy and with only monetary worry which is something I dont have now.  Of course now I worry about where to lay my head because of psychotic landlords (I must be a psychotic landlord magnet.)  Have kids?  Of course but Id much rather home school.
Anyway.  I have always been the forest type person.  Well I found the perfect plot somewhere (yeah I forgot where it was) that keeps coming back to mind.  One side is wooded with a creek nearby but the other side has a field that blooms with wildflowers in the spring.  At certain spots, you can see the city lights at night.
The more I stress here, the more country I get.  Just last week, I told myself the only "farm" animals Id want were chickens (and dogs and cats but you see those just as much in the city.)  Now that I think about it...Im very much considering some cows and/or some goats.  I dont care for pork so no pigs.  It wouldnt break the bank to just buy butchered pork at the store when I want some.

So...there ya have it.  Im just not cut out for that whole planned life.  Id like to just chill and take life how it comes...smell the sweet air of not-the-city.  Wish folks would just let me be.

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Guess who stopped by Nicole Benson!!

Nicole benson + organic food + raw food + recipes 

We had the pleasure the other day to meet this intelligent young lady ( Nicole Benson ), she stopped by for a few citrus trees and we got to talking.
Not only did we find out shes a certified nutritionist ( CNP and BA ) but a foodie with a recipe blog packed with mouth watering ideas.
After browsing just the first page we were hit with meals and ideas that would never have come to mind other wise, for example, I never knew you could eat the pith of a lemon, but after reading her blog and doing some research, turns out this is super healthy, so guess whos on board with that!,
Today was our first day experimenting with this and let me tell you, were all ready hooked!,
the taste is like a zingy super lemonade! and on a day with 25?c weather it certainly hits the spot.

Lemon drink recipe  + apple drink + Nicole benson 

Our next one to try is the breakfast dish ( apple walnut breakfast bowl ) and then for a dinner ( coconut curry lentil soup )

We had such a good time making this dish and meeting Nicole we highly recommend checking out here blog and services.


KEEP THE DISHES COMING NICOLE!!

HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON!!


Nicoles blog- http://nourishedbodyinspiredsoul.com/

Coconut curry lentil soup + exotic recipe  +  healthy food

Lemon dill rice pasta salad + pasta salad + gluten free + new fresh salad recipe 

Photos courtesy of Nicole Benson

http://nourishedbodyinspiredsoul.com/

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Dragon fruits from seed ☐☐☐☐°°°°°°❚ ❚ ❚ ❚°°°°°°☐☐☐☐

Purple dragon fruit from seed

Here is a collection of our dragon fruits from seed, they seem to be growing at a reasonable pace, with the white dragon fruit under a fluorescent bulb growing the quickest. While I find the dragon fruit delicious, the white one is not my favorite, very little sweet taste, almost bland ( Im sure fresh off the plant comes into play but only so far when in comparison to other dragon fruits )  and to be honest,
I havent even tried the purple/pink ones yet, but I tell ya, it will be hard to beat the yellow dragon fruit.
The yellow pitaya is so sweet, I find the taste similar to a table grape but 10x the punch, the seeds are an interesting addition, they have a little more crunch then kiwi seeds do.

We had to make multiple orders online as only a few varieties sprouted ( there were no specific variety names, just white dragon fruit, purple dragon fruit and the yellow one I bought from the store ).
We went through one supplier in Hawaii and nothing sprouted at all, I found it to be very suspicious as all my other seed packs sprouted quite easily, so after some researching We came across a post where someone said they irradiate most products coming out of Hawaii, We cant confirm this yet but be advised, Hawaii is already known for there GMO invaded island,  most people We know avoid food from there as its the playground for genetically engineered crops,
not to say We here in Canada arent screwing around with this as well.

With the way this world is headed on GMOs, We figure its just a mater of time before they go after dragon fruits, so weve been in a scramble to collect all the species we can, in the hopes of preserving some original genetic material for future generations.

Yellow dragon fruit from seed

Purple dragon fruit

White dragon fruit from seed

White dragon fruit

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