insert positive title here

Yeah it was one of those days today (yesterday.)  One of those days where you want to sit in a corner and cry and end the day by dying or having something awesome happen.

Well Im still alive so that must mean something awesome happened right?

Nope...night just got worse.

I checked out a townhouse today that is for rent by owner.  The ad said "pets allowed" just to find out that the dude was like "yeah no pets."

-_-

Sorry dude the fur kids are coming whether you like it or not.

After that little unsettling moment, I went to work...

...boy do I love work....

Well one girl flipped out at another girl, causing the other girl (a dear friend of mine) to cry and go to the point of scratching a hole in her skin.

...boy...do I love work....

I tried to get that image out of my head.  Then I got my own anxiety attack.  Money is tight, how will I keep everyone fed?  Work was kicking my butt so that wasnt fun.

Anyway...I found a pretty cute Tails plushie in the dollar claw machine.  I almost won him...ALMOST.  By almost, I mean that he fell right by the hole with his legs hanging over.

Speaking of...why does Tails have a helicopter?  I mean the coolest thing about the cute lil fox is that he can fly just by spinning his tails....







Anyway back on topic.  So after work sucking, I waited outside for my wonderful icing to my cake!  Well he said that we needed to talk.  He has a problem with moving because he doesnt have a job.

*flush* well there goes my happiness....

I begged and begged but he wont budge.  He says he just wants to stand on his own two feet.  I completely understand but how many people just get up and walk on their own?  He says he will collect unemployment.  Great!  Your half is payed for!  Sounds responsible eh?  So whats my problem you ask?

1. I HATE being alone!  
2. I waited so long to move in with him where we are now...aaannnd hes gone again.
3. Im starting to think about food constantly again.  I only eat in front of him.  No boyfriend, no food.  Sounds perfect in my head but I know it isnt right.
4. After a stressful day, I just want to talk and cuddle.  Things arent getting better any time soon.

Call it selfish, call it what you want.  There is also the fact that the front door and bathroom wall arent sealed correctly in our little shack.  He already has an ear problem exacerbated by the cold weather.  On top of being poorly insulated, water comes through!  That and we share everything.  I dont own any silverware or a bed or anything like that and cant afford one either!

So Im terribly sad.  I hope I can change his mind somehow....soon.  

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insert female hygiene product

its 3:01 Am...

well this blog didnt really have a name...its a ladys blog though...well not really. I guess everyone can tune in.

So the first female hygiene product is douche bag. Not that I would ever use one of these scary things...theyre bad for you so you shouldnt use them either (or if a guy, your future girlfriend, daughter, mother...)

Its about a guy. A few years ago....oh I dunno lets say...2007...cause Im pretty sure it was 2007 one of my old best friends got with this guy. They were completely ? and living happily ever after from an outsider point of view.

Mind you its around 3:00 AM

He told her not too long ago that he just doesnt feel ready for a relationship.

-_-

Its been three years and it took him that long??

I know from being there and having my ? completely shattered too...except that was after four years. The longer it has been, the worse it feels.

*sigh*

I remember around the 2nd month I was with Adam I asked what he wanted. I knew what I wanted from him but dared not to step back on grounds and have my heart smashed all over again. After all, it had only been a year and a half prior to that conversation that my wonderful ex fiancé left me for his vocal teacher (and what made me feel worse was he told me he wanted to learn to sing so I was the one that suggesting getting vocal lessons in the first place)

But yeah...I asked in fear of getting close just to be hurt again. And honestly I think anyone that has ever been in love and then suffered from an extremely broken heart has that fear.

I never take my relationships for granted...which is sometimes an issue I believe. Its the fact that I listen to those little things. When Adam says "oh thank you so much for putting my plate away," it means more to me than having some famous person calling me beautiful. So naturally when he says some more negative things, my brain takes the information and digests it...seriously. Of course this isnt the same as being called fat or anything. I digest that but I know I can change it and WILL. Its when I feel like I try my hardest and the only teachings I get are negative feedback do I wrap myself around the anxiety pole. So take note of this Adam...if youre reading.

Next female hygiene product...as well as the one after, are actual talks of female hygiene products. So ya men can either sit and ponder or look away. This blog is being posted BECAUSE it is the third hour of the day and I cannot seem to sleep.

So first for some negativity.

In high school, I used a lovely product called the Diva cup. It is a menstrual cup. Well Im bad at defining those so here. An accurate definition from Wikipedia.

A menstrual cup is a type of cup or barrier worn inside the vagina during menstruation to collect menstrual fluid.

Yup. Sounds gross? Well its basically like a tampon but doesnt absorb, making it healthier for your vaginal system. On top of that, it can be kept in for 12 hours. They can hold a lot. I mean...I have NEVER filled one except this one time during heavy flow when I slept for almost 16 hours.

oops

Its not the only brand. There are others such as Moon Cup and The Keeper. I think I honestly chose Diva Cup cause....its prettier

XD

I started using them cause I had a bad reaction to tampons but wanted something comfortable to go horse riding with. and well...tada! I had mine for a good three years till I dropped it in the high school bathroom. Like a smart girl I had a back up, but was still major depressed. I mean I was just visiting and thats what I get??? Whats my point of posting this? Well here is the negative part. I have my lovely IUD and apparently there can be complications with using the cup and IUD together, typically with pulling the IUD string which can cause all sorts of problems. My string actually curls....sometimes. Its that sometimes part that gets me.

*tears*

Well I decided that if I move out again, there is no way I want to spend money on buying pads again. I was waaay too spoiled with a reusable product. So I decided to check out cloth pads. $200 for a product that typically lasts five years (well actually...thats the price for six night time hemps and 15 regular organic hemps). We have a winner. Not only is it cheaper for me (which is important when youd be living paycheck to paycheck) but its...cheaper! On top of that I can adjust how much it absorbs. YAY.

ok...end blog

3:35 AM...Im going home and sleeping in my 40*f house...to clean when the sun gets up

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Tapioca Pudding

This blog has nothing to do with it. Just like Methamphetamine and words with methamphetamine in it...like Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (aka MDMA or Ecstasy)

=]

Actually Id like to talk about pheromones but first...let me explain these rings.

So these pretty rings are both wedding rings custom made by Touch of Wood. They are very gorgous...and wooden? Yup. I have always felt bad for hating how gold and other rings looked. These actually look really nice. Id die to have one. Both of these rings have a lapiz lazuli inlay. The black one is grenadilla wood
and the brown is rosewood with a kauri liner. Im not trying to suggest me wanting to get married. I just think theyre really cool so I had to show people.


Today I did something that sent terror down my spine. I had a wonderful supportive boyfriend...and without him, it wouldnt have gotten done till the power was on...via vacuum (assuming the power would be on) and hell who knows...may not have even gotten done then.

best bf evaar!

OK so now on topic.

So for some odd reason I usually dont sleep as well without Adam near...and especially dont sleep as well when I dont have anything that smells like him in my possession. Not saying he smells but something about his "Adam-ness" really gets me going. It seems that Im not the only one. I checked out some remedies and it turns out tons of women are in the same boat. They typically sleep in their boyfriend/husbands dirty shirt or use it as a pillow case. This is supposed to really help women with loved ones overseas.

So then I started thinking.

Most pheromone studies on people had odd results. Unlike other animals, human pheromones will only get someone to turn their head, not hump someone (like a dog for example) but some people that are brave will start talking to you out of the blue or even kiss you! The test proved that pheromones do not do anything else.

hmm

well then why do some women and men sleep better with their partners?
In some studies, its "all in your head" and completely untrue. Some show women actually sleep worse when their partner is around. However, some studies also say that women that are married sleep better than singles. I believe the first study should be thrown out because newer studies have shown that new brides dont sleep as well due to not being used to their partner.

So nurr

Another interesting study regarded scent vs sight. Would a woman that thinks one shirt smells better think the same guy the shirt belonged to was attractive? Well the answer was yes. In fact most women were dead on. Men didnt score as well but werent far behind.

So lets say...put the two studies together. People that are comfy cuddling with their partner plus the fact that yes pheromones actually DO exist in humans...well maybe thats why people like me sleep better with the boyfriend around.

hmm...

I mean...just because we dont go around humping each other (well most of us) doesnt mean that pheromones dont play a huge part in our relationships.

sheesh.

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